Breaking up sucks. You’ve invested
time, money, love and a part of yourself, ultimately for nothing. But was it
really all for naught?
It’s said that failure should be our
teacher, not our undertaker, and ending a romanticrelationship is no exception.
When you go through a breakup, you
should ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” The consequence of not
learning from our failed relationships is being doomed to make the same
mistakes — and date the wrong person — over and over again.
It’s easier to hate your ex and be
done with it, but here’s why you should turn your ex into an experience and be
THANKFUL it’s over:
1. Exes make us better in our next
relationships
Often, we’ll find ourselves
ruminating over an ex, asking ourselves, “What if” questions. What if I was
more supportive, or, what if I never got upset over the little things?
Here’s the good news: You can find
out the answers to those questions … in your next relationship. You can’t time
travel an undo your past mistakes; the only thing you can do is make sure you
never repeat them again.
So ruminate away (but wistfully)
over your ex. Think about a situation where you really screwed up, and use the
benefit of hindsight to figure out how you could’ve handled it like a rock
star.
Constantly improving yourself as a
partner is key in landing the love of your life. You have to become the sort of
person you’d want to be with.
2. They make us better in the
bedroom, too
As much as we want it to be about
love and passion, sex is very much a skill. Practice makes perfect. All things
being equal, 19-year-old you is terrible in bed compared to 25-year-old you.
Imagine if you could go back to the
first person you had sex with, knowing what you know now. How would the
experience be different?
Every trick you learned, every
talent you further developed with your ex, it all benefits the newest person in
your life. Every time you learn from a failed relationship and become better as
a person and better in the bedroom, you get one step closer to being the best version
of yourself.
What if one day you meet the person
of your dreams? Don’t you want to be the best person you can be for them? Well,
that process starts NOW, not after you meet them.
3. They help us learn what we want
in a relationship
What makes a breakup so
heartbreaking are the nostalgic memories of all the good times you had
together. Most will say to push those memories from your mind, or that you
broke up because the bad times outweighed the good.
But learning what went right in a
relationship is just as important as what went wrong. Sometimes it’’ hard to
know what we really want in life, but those tearful memories are basically a
flashing neon sign pointing it out for you.
You can move on and let go, but it
would be wise to take those nuggets of wisdom with you.
4. They help us learn what we DON’T
want, too
Be careful what you wish for — a
true, if utterly useless, statement. We don’t always know that what we want is
bad for us … until we try it.
Perhaps you’re attracted to an air
of enigmatic, mysterious type. Then you later find out he’s too detached, and
you need someone who pays more attention to you.
Disappointing, yes, but lesson
learned.
5. They enter our lives to help us
grow as a person
You don’t have to wait until after
the relationship is over to learn from it. Inevitably, being with someone for
any significant length of time will change you as a person.
The ups and downs of being in a
relationship cause you to learn about yourself and how to handle other people.
Just like number two and your skill in the bedroom, emotional intelligence
takes practice.
6. They are leaving our lives so we
can find someone better.
Have you ever thought, “Damn, I’m SO
GLAD I’m not with [insert ex-boyfriend] anymore”?
You probably didn’t think that at
the time of the breakup. But once you get further and further away from the
comforting familiarity of the relationship, it becomes obvious that the two of
you weren’t going to make it.
An even greater tragedy than a tough
breakup is two people staying together who shouldn’t. So, thanks for dumping us
so we could use that opportunity to lick our wounds, get back on our feet, and
aim a little higher next time.
7. Seriously though, peace out.
Source: Yourtango.com
Yourtango.com
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