How a perfectionist man can kill his wife's sex drive



Perfectionist men can make their wives’ lives a misery in the bedroom, a study has found.

Women can develop a low sex drive if their partner expects a 10 out of 10 performance every time, researchers suggest.

Investigating perfectionism in sexual relationships, they found negative effects include making women more anxious, and suffering low self-esteem if their ‘partner expects sex to be perfect’.

However women who were also perfectionists suffered few negative effects when it came to sex. 

In fact, women who imposed perfectionist sexual standards on themselves had higher desire and were more likely to be aroused. And this link was stronger in women who had no partner compared to those in a relationship. 

But the so-called ‘self-oriented sex perfectionists’ were more likely to blame themselves for sexual problems.

It was when the expectation to be perfect in bed came from one’s sexual partner that this had ‘a negative effect on sexual function’ and even led to physical problems such as pain and discomfort.

When it came to women who demanded their partner was Mr Perfect during lovemaking, the results, predictably, were disappointment.


The University of Kent researchers write: ‘Women who have perfectionistic expectations for their sexual partner tend to be less satisfied with the sex they are having compared to women who do not have these expectations.’

Woman were less likely to suffer sexual problems when they felt there was a requirement to be perfect from society or ‘other people in general’, according to the research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

The researchers said perfectionism is a common personality characteristic in many walks of life – such as music. 

Here, perfectionism has been found to have a negative effect on musicians’ performance.

But very little research had been carried out on the connection with sex. 

The researchers, led by Joachim Stoeber, of the psychology department, looked at survey responses of 366 women aged between 17 and 69.

Of the original sample, 164 were asked to respond six months later to see how their responses changed over time. 

The volunteers were told the online survey would look at whether ‘personal and interpersonal expectations and beliefs affect one’s sexuality and sexual function’ - particularly regarding arousal.

The researchers looked at whether women expected themselves to be perfect, expected their partner to be perfect, or that society or others expected them to be perfect.

They also used a questionnaire which asked respondents to answer on a scale of 0 – 5 how much they agreed with a variety of statements such as: 
* ‘I expect nothing less than perfection from my sexual partner’ 
 or 
* ‘I have very high perfectionist goals for myself as a sexual partner’ 
Volunteers were also asked questions about at their sex lives, such as how much they agreed with statements like:
* 'I feel anxious when I think about the sexual aspects of my life’
and
‘I would be to blame if the sexual aspects of my life were not going very well’.

Other questions looked at how often over the previous four weeks the respondent had been aroused, experienced discomfort during sex, felt sexual desire or interest, and how satisfied they with their sexual relationship. 

Professor Stoeber said: 'We further found that partner-prescribed sexual perfectionism predicted decreases in sexual esteem and increases in sexual anxiety.

'This suggests it is a psychological factor that may contribute to sexual self-concept problems in woman.

'The study is therefore likely to be of interest to clinicians, therapists and counsellors working to help woman in this area.'
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Source: Dailymail

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