Perfectionist men can make their
wives’ lives a misery in the bedroom, a study has found.
Women can develop a low sex drive if
their partner expects a 10 out of 10 performance every time, researchers
suggest.
Investigating perfectionism in
sexual relationships, they found negative effects include making women more
anxious, and suffering low self-esteem if their ‘partner expects sex to be
perfect’.
However women who were also
perfectionists suffered few negative effects when it came to sex.
In fact, women who imposed
perfectionist sexual standards on themselves had higher desire and were more
likely to be aroused. And this link was stronger in women who had no partner
compared to those in a relationship.
But the so-called ‘self-oriented sex
perfectionists’ were more likely to blame themselves for sexual problems.
It was when the expectation to be
perfect in bed came from one’s sexual partner that this had ‘a negative effect
on sexual function’ and even led to physical problems such as pain and
discomfort.
When it came to women who demanded
their partner was Mr Perfect during lovemaking, the results, predictably, were
disappointment.
The University of Kent researchers
write: ‘Women who have perfectionistic expectations for their sexual partner
tend to be less satisfied with the sex they are having compared to women who do
not have these expectations.’
Woman were less likely to suffer
sexual problems when they felt there was a requirement to be perfect from
society or ‘other people in general’, according to the research published in
the Archives of Sexual Behavior.
The researchers said perfectionism
is a common personality characteristic in many walks of life – such as
music.
Here, perfectionism has been found
to have a negative effect on musicians’ performance.
But very little research had been
carried out on the connection with sex.
The researchers, led by Joachim
Stoeber, of the psychology department, looked at survey responses of 366 women
aged between 17 and 69.
Of the original sample, 164 were
asked to respond six months later to see how their responses changed over
time.
The volunteers were told the online
survey would look at whether ‘personal and interpersonal expectations and
beliefs affect one’s sexuality and sexual function’ - particularly regarding
arousal.
The researchers looked at whether
women expected themselves to be perfect, expected their partner to be perfect,
or that society or others expected them to be perfect.
They also used a questionnaire which
asked respondents to answer on a scale of 0 – 5 how much they agreed with a
variety of statements such as:
* ‘I expect nothing less than
perfection from my sexual partner’
or
* ‘I have very high perfectionist
goals for myself as a sexual partner’
Volunteers were also asked questions
about at their sex lives, such as how much they agreed with statements like:
* 'I feel anxious when I think about
the sexual aspects of my life’
and
‘I would be to blame if the sexual
aspects of my life were not going very well’.
Other questions looked at how often
over the previous four weeks the respondent had been aroused, experienced
discomfort during sex, felt sexual desire or interest, and how satisfied they
with their sexual relationship.
Professor Stoeber said: 'We further
found that partner-prescribed sexual perfectionism predicted decreases in
sexual esteem and increases in sexual anxiety.
'This suggests it is a psychological
factor that may contribute to sexual self-concept problems in woman.
'The study is therefore likely to be
of interest to clinicians, therapists and counsellors working to help woman in
this area.'
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Source: Dailymail
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