Can't figure out why
you're still single? You may be a catch, but if you're committing one of these
fatal mistakes--often caused by being a bachelor for too long--then you'll
drive women away in droves before they even get to know you.
Read on to find out
why you're turning her off, and how you can turn her on instead.
You won't shut
up
When you're with a
beautiful woman, it's game on and time to sell yourself. So you spout off about
the fascinating saga of your life, your impressive job, and your hilarious
antics with your buddies.
No matter how great
your stories are, that tactic will often backfire, says Christie Hartman,
Ph.D., behavioral scientist and author of Changing Your Game: A Man's Guide to
Success with Women . "The biggest complaint I hear from women on first
dates is that men talk too much," Hartman says. "It makes you look
self absorbed, and she'll want nothing to do with you."
Your fix: Instead of trying to come off as Captain
Awesome, encourage her to talk about herself. Women love to be asked questions,
says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., a relationships expert and author of Finding Love
Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship .
Some good ways to get
her to open up: Ask her about her career, her hobbies, and her pets. Finding
out what she's passionate about is a great way to get to know her. She might
give you a generic answer at first, Hartman says, but once you delve deeper,
she'll light up.
You delve into the ex
files
You might feel the
urge to tell her why your last relationship didn't work out, or you might gripe
about your ex in the form of a compliment: "Ugh, my ex had the worst taste
in music! I'm so glad you won't make me suffer through One Direction." Big
mistake.
You think you're being
mature and honest, but all she'll see are red flags. "Talking about your
ex is like saying she's still important," Hartman says. "Your date
will think she's going to have to compete."
Your fix: We get that it's been a while since
you've had any relationship go long-term, but avoid mentioning your last lady
altogether, Hartman says. If your date asks about it, give her the
executive-summary version of the story--she doesn't want details. You can't go
wrong with saying you just weren't right for each other. Wait until after the
third date to delve deeper into your romantic past if it comes up again.
You scoff at her
favourite show
A little witty
back-and-forth over what you thought of this year's Emmy winners can get you a
long way, but beware of criticizing her picks too harshly. Sure, you've been
binge watching Breaking Bad, but saying that Game of Thrones is a stupid show
about dragons will virtually guarantee you're going home alone if it's her
fave.
Same goes for anything
she's really into, whether it's astrology or Taylor Swift. "If you
criticize something she likes early on, you're really criticizing her ,"
Hartman says. Even if it's just your misguided attempt at banter, she'll be
left with the impression that you put her down.
Your fix: So how do you deal with differences in
taste? It's okay to politely admit that you're not a fan of something, Hartman
says, but wait until you've really built a rapport to playfully jab her for it.
You get too personal,
too soon
Everyone has his or
her issues. Maybe you have a complicated relationship with your dad or had a rough
childhood. You might think it's noble to lay all your cards on the table--or
maybe she just makes you feel comfortable--but she doesn't need to know about
your baggage yet.
"When you're just
getting to know each other, your relationship doesn't have the framework to
support that stuff yet," Hartman says. "If you tell her your deepest,
darkest problems too early on, it can scare her. She'll think, 'This guy has
issues.'"
Your fix: The sweet spot for sharing personal stuff is
after the third date, Hartman says. That lets her get to know you before she
gets to know your troubled past. If it's something she needs to know to move
forward in the relationship, like if you have an STD or are a recovering
alcoholic, try to work it in between dates three and six, Hartman says.
You whip out your
black card
This is your
opportunity to let her know what a catch you are, so you make sure to drop a
few details about your weekends in Saint-Tropez, your corner office, and your
brand-new S-Class. How could she resist?
Showboating your
material success is a surefire way to snag a woman who is only interested in
your money, says Rachel DeAlto, communications and relationship expert and
author of Flirt Fearlessly. To other women, you'll just come off like a shallow
jerk. "The wrong women use you for it," she says, "and the right
one will run."
Your fix: Instead of bragging, talk about your
goals and how you're working toward them. That will show her you have ambition,
depth, and drive. "Make it meaningful, not material," DeAlto says.
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Source: MSN
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